If you’ve been reading my past blogs, you are with me in my anxiety for my future. For senior high.
Few months from now I will graduate. yay!
I’ve been so stressed and down lately. Anxiety is building up. Anxiety because of grades, and most heartbreaking one, pre- seperation anxiety.
I am doing so bad in school. I know grades don’t define how smart I am. The thing is, everything in school is all crammed up. All the lessons are being rushed. Test and assignments here and there. In short, I am so done with school. You can’t expect students to be good in a lesson in a snap. Even professionals spend time in order to know their expertise. Nothing is done overnight.
Is it because we are graduating that we have to rush?!?
Don’t get me wrong. I am thankful for being educated. I love to learn. But the education system now is inhumane. Wake up early, ends school late in the afternoon, goes/ arrives home late at night. Dinner, then study till midnight. How am I still alive? Plus, I am anemic and the struggle is real.
(When you are anemic, you get so weak easily because you red blood cells that carry oxygen. But in my case, I got it because of genes but at least I don’t have to get intensive medical attention)
I am also so worried because the school I will apply is requring good grades (80+). I really have to maintain my grades to save my life. I really want to transfer for so many reasons: 1.) I have been in my school for 10+ years. 2.) I want a new environment and friends. 3.) I don’t want to die mentally, physically, and emotionally, for 2 more years. 4.) I have been through enough. Even everyone in my school wants to leave. We are currently applying for senior high in my school. The reasons behind: 1.) No choice but to stay. 2.) Back up plan in case of not being accepted in the other school applies to.
Thinking about tranferring is the hardest decision I have ever made. There those I am ready to say goodbye. There are those who I have become close with and it breaks my heart, as early now, knowing we’ll part ways. We will be setting our own paths. I never thought this day is coming too soon. I am planning to take an exam for the school I will apply. Pls. accept me. I don’t want to be waitlisted. STEM (because everyone else will take that) or HUMSS (because this is what I want) Both are fine for my future career as they say but which one. Lord, I will lift it all to you.
Yes, more mental breakdowns to come. But I will survive. You are almost there. You are not alone in this.
Motivation: 1.) It is my mom’s birthday 2 days before graduation. 2.) My grandfather wanted us (grandkids) to graduate before he dies. But he died before that could even happen but I want him to see me graduate from above.