I just don’t know

If you’ve been reading my past blogs, you are with me in my anxiety for my future. For senior high.

Few months from now I will graduate. yay!

I’ve been so stressed and down lately. Anxiety is building up. Anxiety because of grades, and most heartbreaking one, pre- seperation anxiety.

Grades.

I am doing so bad in school. I know grades don’t define how smart I am. The thing is, everything in school is all crammed up. All the lessons are being rushed. Test and assignments here and there. In short, I am so done with school. You can’t expect students to be good in a lesson in a snap. Even professionals spend time in order to know their expertise. Nothing is done overnight.

Is it because we are graduating that we have to rush?!?

Don’t get me wrong. I am thankful for being educated. I love to learn. But the education system now is inhumane. Wake up early, ends school late in the afternoon, goes/ arrives home late at night. Dinner, then study till midnight. How am I still alive? Plus, I am anemic and the struggle is real.

(When you are anemic, you get so weak easily because you red blood cells that carry oxygen.  But in my case, I got it because of genes but at least I don’t have to get intensive medical attention)

I am also so worried because the school I will apply is requring good grades (80+). I really have to maintain my grades to save my life. I really want to transfer for so many reasons: 1.) I have been in my school for 10+ years. 2.) I want a new environment and friends. 3.) I don’t want to die mentally, physically, and emotionally, for 2 more years. 4.) I have been through enough. Even everyone in my school wants to leave. We are currently applying for senior high in my school. The reasons behind: 1.) No choice but to stay. 2.) Back up plan in case of not being accepted in the other school applies to.

Thinking about tranferring is the hardest decision I have ever made. There those I am ready to say goodbye. There are those who I have become close with and it breaks my heart, as early now, knowing we’ll part ways. We will be setting our own paths. I never thought this day is coming too soon. I am planning to take an exam for the school I will apply. Pls. accept me. I don’t want to be waitlisted. STEM (because everyone else will take that) or HUMSS (because this is what I want) Both are fine for my future career as they say but which one. Lord, I will lift it all to you.

Yes, more mental breakdowns to come. But I will survive. You are almost there. You are not alone in this.

Motivation: 1.) It is my mom’s birthday 2 days before graduation. 2.) My grandfather wanted us (grandkids)  to graduate before he dies. But he died before that could even happen but I want him to see me graduate from above.

 

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We hold these truth to self-evident that all men are created equal

I will soon have to deliver an oration for my speech class. I am going to share it here. 🙂

In history class, we’ve been having discussion about different revolutions wherein its agenda cried for equality. In CLF, or whatever values integration we have in a subject, it is always pointed out that we are created equal by God. With that, despite the differences in each and everyone of us, we must treat each other equally. And it is given that all of us desire for equality. By really opening our eyes on what is happening around us, can we say that equality is there? Let’s reflect on how we treat others; if our actions have destroyed human dignity and the meaning of equality. Everyday, I witness so many heartbreaking things that people do to others such as calling names, judging a person, bullying, talking bad about a person without knowing their story, not acknowledging one’s presence, being racist, getting mad at a person for no reason, being rude and disrespectful, and many more. To those who do these things, it may be done out of habit or unconsciously done. Where is the equality there? For sure, we are all involved in this. No one is truly free and equal in our world. We can’t affirm that we are endowed with certain rights such as life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness. Why? We are all victims. We all have been dehumanized. We are not free to show our true colors because there are stereotypes of what’s accepted in society. We would care about how society perceives us and if we belong. There are judgements and prejudice everywhere. There will always be forces bringing us down. And how much more to those who experienced worse than us? To the poor people, the LGBT community, racial, ethnic and religious minorities? These people’s voices need to be heard even more and to have their existence noticed. They have received more than enough discrimination and hate. If we are all equal, then there will be no division between, the rich and the poor, the straight and the gay, blacks and whites, Asians and other races, Christians and Muslims. If only we accept and respect differences, and not make one’s worth based on background.  If only we could alleviate those in poverty. If only everyone cared. If only everyone are friends. If only we hold these truth to self-evident that all men are created equal. That must start with you.

My Stance on Crushes and Relationships

This post will come from a 17 year old point of view

Every time someone ask if I have a crush, I become so hesitant. Personally, I am not vocal about my crush to the public. But I do have a crush. Same crush for 3 years now.

Anyway, I am not like other teens out there. What I notice, people fall for a person because of looks. Don’t get me wrong, looks is a bonus. In my case, I started to have a crush because I felt comfortable with him and I never felt that way with another guy. We are really good friends. I have so many encounters with him already. I have to say, he was there in my highest and lowest. I’ve been also witness to what he has been through. We know each other so well.

Earlier this year, we got shipped. This is where things got complicated. I can see that he tried to ignore it. I also tried to ignore it as well. We both shrug it off. Yes, awkwardness did happen. But I am still grateful that we still talk.

I am so grateful for this guy. No matter what happens, I am so grateful for him entering my life.

Honestly, we really got to know each other. But I don’t want us to be in a relationship. I don’t know anything about romance. I want to be mature when it comes to this. If I get involved in a relationship , I would want that I would be really good friends with the guy first. I don’t want things all of a sudden.

I have to become open – minded, especially if he talks to other girls. I know him as a very sociable and friendly person. In the first place, I have no authority over him.

It hurts that we will soon separate ways. I have to transfer to another school next year. But always, I will treasure the friendship with him. He has helped me so much in my life. I will surely miss him.

I’ll leave everything else to God. I’ll wait for the right time. I have no control of what is going on with my life.

I see some of my peers are on a relationship. I respect them. I guess, I am such a late bloomer when it comes to that. Anyway, I don’t want to do things because everyone else is doing it. I don’t want to rush on things. I want to pursue what I am into first and see what happens.

I have to focus on what is more important in life and that’s family and studies. If you think about it, it better to single as of the moment. You are free because you don’t have to be committed to someone to the point you are limited to do what you want. I want to enjoy my remaining teens years.

You can only be a teen ones. So Enjoy! It is alright to have crushes but always know your limits. May they be an inspiration and not a distraction.

Being on Last Year is harder than I thought

So far I made 2 post in the past regarding graduating soon.

Check out:

Graduating feels

Separating Ways

~~

To my post proper

My goal at the beginning of the school year is to make the most of my senior year. I am more active in school activities. I have more credentials for my yearbook for this year than last year. I am now hanging on unto my grade. I recently got my report card. It is not that bad but I know I can do more. 4 more months and I will be graduating. As time is getting faster, it hurts more to hear people asking, “Are you transferring/ staying?” It hurts because I’ve been used to these people (especially those I’ve been classmates quite sometime). Annoying, yes, but they have become part of my life. There are those people who would say “Hi!” to me in school, by next year, I wouldn’t be getting these “HI(s)!” from people I meet so often. Honestly, I am not enjoying my Senior year as much because there is the future to think of. Tough decisions are to be made. I have huge attachments to those people around me and what has become a part of me in my current school. Throughout high school, I’ve met so many people and get to know a number of them. What makes this situation more worse, I never transferred to another school. I know, I have stated in my previous post my desire to transfer but I am not ready of what might happen.

I recently got my NCAE results. It comes to show I am really for Humss (Humanities and Social Sciences). I agree to the results and I am for it. But I have classmates who are still uncertain on what they want. I know what I am taking but I am not ready for the new life later on.

Everything is happening all of a sudden. How am I suppose to face all this?

Help me Lord!

😥

Unexpected Reunion

I just came from my school’s family day. Anyone is welcome in the school and have fun. Students, either past or present,  and their families and outside friends come together.

I unexpectedly met my grade 2 classmate after many years. He transferred to another school around grade 3/4  I think. That was so long ago.

So here goes the story…

It was my other friend who brought him to my school. I was being introduced to him by that friend. His name is Josh by the way. So, I was being friendly to him. I’m like that if I meet new people especially. In my mind, he is new to me. My friend said the he is our batchmate, and that he used to study in my school. Then I remember that this Josh used to be my classmate in grade 2. I didn’t recognize him because his face is different from the grade 2 Josh I know. Yes puberty and the hormones! We haven’t met in many years okay. Apparently, he remembers me and I can’t believe that, considering it was how many years ago and many things has happened within the span of time. I’m actually touched that he remembers me.

What I’ve realized is that, we tend to be so busy with our life to the point we don’t notice how fast time has past by.

Separating Ways

I’m soon graduating junior highschool and I am excited for it. But the road there… 😭😭 I can’t express how I feel in words.

Yes, I’ll soon get the rewards of my hardwork and commemorate how I got through the struggles but…  I have things to leave behind and to let go.

I am really going with my thoughts of transferring because one 1.) My school don’t offer the track I want. 2.) I can’t handle the demands of my school. 3.) I want a new life.

Yes, I maybe seeking the 3 things I’ve mentioned but there are things and more heartbreaking, ‘people’ who I’ll leave behind. My school, where I’ve been growing up, has been a part of me. There are so many people I have become close too. This ain’t easy.

I just hate it when my classmates ask each other, “What school are you going?” “What are you taking?” I never thought that this time would come by so soon. I am not ready for this. That all of a sudden, from my foolish self, I am thrown into the adult world.

I am going to miss my Alma Matter for it made me who I am today and most of all the people who I’ve been with for years.

I’ve really got to make the most out of my last year

😭😭

What I get for being responsible

I’m responsible. That’s not from me but from people.

In school, I am people’s go to person because I’m the “responsible one.” People always ask me “What’s for school?” and all sorts of question regarding school. It’s fine because I understand that one may miss out something and it’s a form of clarification. People ask me favors such as printing for them because their printer is broken. And when people message me (not only message me but personally come to me) because they need help, they’ll say it will be the last time they’ll ask something from me but it isn’t. Seriously,  it’s fine. We shall help each other. People comes to me from all sort of things. Yes, I’m helpful but I want others to be independent as well. To know how to do things on their own. My kind of helping is to guide, or to ease things up, but not to do everything for them. I’ve got my own life to take care of as well.

This is what I get for taking note of important things. For having a listening ear that most don’t have. I understand that not everyone has a sense of responsibility and I believe that I am to move them to be responsible. I am also to be their life savior.

Time Management

 

Before anything else, I am sorry for being a hypocrite if ever I fail to do what I’m going to tell you. 😂

I know that I wrote a blog about My Study tips. You may want to check it out.

Now, I am going to go more on time management, particularly as a student.

This has been challenging for me a a student with so many involvements.

Filipinos out there, I know that you are with me. “Change the start of classes at 8 am, not 7:30”


Overview of my school life

Around 5 – wake up

~ prepares for school ~

Around 6 – travels to school

Around 7 – reaches school

Around 4:30 pm – End of class

~ extracurricular ~

Around 6 pm – leaves school

Around 7 pm – arrives home, then eat dinner

~ rest of the time – homework ~

Around 10 – target time for sleeping

WEEKENDS: balancing academic and extra-curricular.


So, How do I survive?

• I have my planner. I plot my schedule.

• I imposed the “Things to do” system upon myself. I prioritize whats more urgent.

• I try not to study the day before a test. Yes, I may remember what I study a day before. But there are cases wherein I get home late or I’ve got other stuff to do the day before the test, unenabling me to study.

• Rest if I must. On the way home, I take a nap in my car so that I have the energy to study as I get home.

• I try to not lose my focus. If I have important stuff to do, I’ll try not to get distracted.

• I can’t get rid that I am in an era of modern technology. I communicate with my classmates so much in FB, but if ever it’s not required of me to be in FB, I’ll log out.

• When too stress, food, music, people, and extracurricular are my easy way out. 🙂

• I try to hit my target time of sleeping that is 10 pm.

• Most importantly, despite being preoccupied with school, I find time with my family, especially weekend.

I hope you’ve got something from this very busy person. See you around!

 

“Grades don’t necessarily matter. You fail at some point in your life. What matters is the hard work you put in what you are doing despite the likeliness of you failing. I think that is where our fear begin, FAILURE. We fear failure to the point that we beat ourselves once we fail. It’s okay to fail. We all do. No one is perfect. Just keep moving forward. You have the right to be disappointed and frustrated. Don’t just give up. Giving up shouldn’t be in your dictionary.”

I’ve got to let you be on your own

I have classmates who usually go to me when they need help in their studies/ school work. It is nice to think that you are the go to person who these people and that they trust you and there is something that you can do to help out. Oh well, this is what I get for being responsible. I became someone who another can depend on. I understand that we need each other but we’ve must learn how to be on our own. To my classmates who I consistently help, I’m willing to help you. But if it requires you to be own your own, to face the consequence of your own actions, I’ve got to let you be on your own. Be independent over your own selves because I have a personal life I have to look after as well. It’s not all the time that I can help you, so you better learn how to help yourself.

Don’t pass your requirements late

When I was in grade 4, I was about 10 years old that time, I went to the mall with my mom, specifically the school supplies area because I was buying stuff for a project. My mom and I bumped into her students.

My mom asked, “Why are you here?” (Let me rephrase that. She meant what was their purpose in the mall) Then they replied that they were buying stuff for a project in my mom’s subject. The project was already overdue.

It was embarrassing because I was there when it happened and I was only 10. They were buying stuff for a late project of my mom’s subject and my mom caught them. So embarrassing.

So (kids), “Don’t pass your requirements late or else!” 😂😂

School – related Q&A

I’ve been off at some point because I’ve been busy in school. So, I would like to make a post related to this matter. It will be a q&a about my school life.

  1. What was your favorite subject at school? Why? – Social Studies and I just don’t know why. I am just so into it.
  2. What do you and your friends do during your lunch break? – Eat lunch of course. We also chat with each other. We also cram.
  3. Did you get a lot of homework? Do you think it helped you learn? – Yes. It helped me learn how to manage my time and stress.
  4. Are you allowed to eat in the classrooms?- No but some of my classmates are rebels
  5. Have you ever slept in class?- Yes but not during discussion of the teacher. Only free time when I can.
  6. What is your best memory from junior high school? – A lot. Generally those stupid days in class and with my friends.
  7. How often do you have exams? – Almost every time
  8. Describe your perfect teacher. – A teacher who knows what she/ he is doing at the same time considerate
  9. Do you get annoyed by your classmates? – Yes because they are so loud but actually they are really fun
  10. Do you cheat an exam? – No never. I am such a good student.
  11. Do you hold any position in school? – class monitor
  12. What is something that is being asked from you in school, that you dislike? – Being asked to memorize tons of useless stuff
  13. Do you procrastinate? – At times yes. But it isn’t and shouldn’t be an everyday thing.
  14. Do you pull an all nighter just to study – When I have to
  15. How do you feel/react when you get a bad grade? – I tell myself that I could have done better
  16. Have you ever skipped classes? – No.
  17. What is your goal in school? – Good grades and to actually make it through.
  18. How do you deal with stress in school? – listen to music
  19. What are you to your classmates? – the responsible one
  20. Something you hate about school? – waking up early

Okay that’s it for now. I may add up later in the future.

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