I’m Selective To Whom I Go Personal With

I’m an expressive person and you can see you through my blog. But when it comes to more personal stuff, I am selective to whom I share it to. I don’t trust people because majority are so fun of gossiping and I don’t like it. So if I want to express something personal, I am selective to whom I share it to. I tell it to someone I trust. I tell it to someone who understands “it is just between us” and who knows when to keep their mouths shut. To those people who knows me personally, you are lucky if I tell personal things to you because you are one of the few. Whenever we have to share something personal in class, I don’t go to detail. Why? I don’t like people to start a rumor to something they don’t know the entire story. I don’t want to share deeper personal things to those people who fails to fully understand for they can’t empathize genuinely. There are only a few out there who do. What I sad world!

So if ever you want to share something personal to someone, be selective. Tell it someone you trust. Someone who knows confidentiality. Tell it to someone who actually listens at the same time understands and emphasizes with you. People can’t be trusted now a days.

If ever someone goes personal with, consider it a blessing that you are actually trusted to be involved and don’t ever break that trust.

Know how to be prudent when you go personal with someone, vice versa. 🙂

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“It really depends on how you are raised.”

One day, I had an interview with my guidance counselor. She asked me, “Oh, so you are the only child. They say only – child(s) are spoiled. Is it true?”

My response, “It really depends on how you are raised.”

I really got her reaction. So she asked me how I was raised. I told her that I don’t get the things I want right away. I also told her that I don’t really ask for clothes. I ask for clothes when I outgrow them or I don’t have a prescribed clothes for something. Plus, my aunties abroad always gives me blouses.

My dad told me, “Don’t just spend and spend. You’ve got to save.”

I seriously don’t want to be spoiled.

I being in the middle class realize that I can’t just get whatever material thing I want. I’ve got to live simply because I am more than blessed already. There are those people who don’t have the need that I already have. My parents’ generosity to others inspire to me to live a live of charity, simplicity, and humility. Understanding my parents’ past from being to where they are now has opened my mind and my heart.

Yes, I am the only child and I am not spoiled. It really depends on how you are raised. Whether you are being indulged by your parents with material things or not. It really depends. It really depends on how you live your life.

PS: Okay, I maybe spoiled when it comes to food. But hey, food is a life necessity. But with material things, not so. I’m spoiled when it comes to getting their attention. I just want to express my affection towards them.

POEMS: means of letting it out

Never did I make poems consistently in the past. I guess it’s because, as of the moment, it feels heavy inside.

Life Update: I recently graduated junior highschool. I am proceding senior high in a new school soon. Before I left off my alma matter, I carried feelings of: guilt, anger, sadness, depression, and the like. In short, it didn’t end well. I left school with memories of bad experiences. Even though months have already past, I feel traumatize. My adviser would always say, “Cherish your moments being together because you will all go to different universities.” What happened, for my last year, I felt that I longer belong there and it was about time to leave soon. I hated the negative vibe I was feeling from the people around me. I always say, “I want to leave.” I came across quotes saying, “If you are in a place that is no longer beneficial to you, leave.” Despite that, I was torned between saying goodbye to friends and following what my heart desires. I made the hardest decision in my life: Transferring (in order to start again) in the expense of friends.

My days have been so tough. Early this year, everything was falling apart. But as they say, after a storm comes a rainbow. Receiving the news that I got in the university I applied to, everything is going back in place. I realize that, prior my struggles, God is redirecting somewhere according to his plan.

I tell you, the process isn’t easy. The road to adulting isn’t easy but it really is time to grow up. And that’s why I decided to make a proper compilation of my poems in wattpad, to let it all out. And I believe, people, like you, can relate to my poems. Please do check it out. 😊

https://embed.wattpad.com/story/150333996

Writing poems allowed me to let it out. As well as talking to trusted friends in this transition.

We all have bad days and have our moments of being lost. It makes us humans after all. You just have to let it out properly and not allow the negativity in your life destroy you. Yes, I just came from a hard past and it really hurts even until now. But I am stronger now than my foolish junior high self. So, see you soon senior high!

MUST READ// Lessons I’ve Learned After Being Called WEIRD Behind My Back

One day, my classmate told me that people said that I was weird behind my back. Ouch that actually hurt. These people who said don’t know me, I told myself. They don’t know my background. (At some point, I wish I didn’t study in a school full of rich kids who rely on the fact that they live such comfortable lives) But it still hurt s because that meant in a bad way. I didn’t know how to accept that because in the very first place, I was uncertain about myself at that time. I had depression at that time and being said so made things worse. But because of that, I got to know more about myself. I knew how to distinguish what is true and not true about me. I’ve learned that weird is subjective. I don’t know why I was being labeled so. I may be the odd one among peers (that’s probably why they said I was weird. I just don’t know with them) because my interest is not align to what is mainstream. I’m just a simple person who would rather not go with the crowd. My happiness is on what I am passionate about. That actually makes me exceptional. For I am unique. I guess that is what they don’t appreciate.

I’ve learned so many lessons from this.

A message I have to say,

Know yourself. That is very important. So that in cases when people bring you down (maybe behind your back), you would know how to stand up for yourself and handle the situation. If I were certain about myself when I was told so, I’d know how to accept it positively. But because I was so uncertain about myself, I went all emotional.

Another thing, you can’t please everyone. I guess it was due to peer pressure (thanks a lot hormones for activating :P) that led me to want impress people around. I wanted to be accepted. I opted to achieve a lot. But in the end of the day, you can’t please everyone and that’s fine. Just do your best in what you do.

To those who called me weird, you don’t know me so well and what I am even capable of.  Okay, I’m weird but in a good way for I goof around. Weird is subjective. But please don’t refer weird to a person who may be odd among the crowd. I’ve learned form this experience that there are people who just can’t accept personal differences. Ugh.

No one has the right to back stab a person. Ever! I’m serious! Gossip is hardly uplifting. You hardly know the lives and feelings of those are gossiping.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But address them in a prudent way. Don’t ever downgrade a person, especially behind their backs.

I guess that experience had to happen in order for me to prove them wrong. Probably, circumstance will lead so to happen. These people better watch out. For a person who aspires, I will be out there one day.

Also, Compliments mean a lot. Have that habit of complimenting a person because whether you know it or not, you are uplifting others. That is what happened to me. Compliments helped me got up from knowing that I was actually was labeled weird. I embraced the good qualities about myself due to the uplifting compliments.

Lastly, Accept your flaws. Maybe another reason why I was called weird was because was my flaw. At some point I felt they used it against me. Anyway, everyone has something to fix about themselves. Don’t be too focused in looking at others flaws. Mind your own business.

This experience is such an opener to me in so many angles. I’m sharing this experience to you. I hope that you will be inspired!

Being an outspoken person, I will continue to raise my voice through this blog. Thank once again! 🙂

How to Break the Nervousness

I am not the most confident person to tell you this. I too get nervous but all throughout my struggles of trying to combat my nervousness, I’ve discovered insights on how to calm the nerves, especially in being in front of an audience.

  1. Relax – that should be the highlight
  2. Don’t worry too much on what will become of your audience’s reaction. You are not here to please them. Express and not impress
  3. It’s okay to make mistakes. If you made a mistake, don’t dwell too much on the mistake. Learn from it and move on.
  4. Perform out of passion then you will forget that you were actually nervous.
  5. Let the confidence outweigh the nervousness. Think of possibilities as to why you are capable of doing well. Play in your mind words like, “I can do this!”
  6. Think about those people who believes in you. It is a good self–motivator.
  7. Preparation is a must. Think about how much you worked for it.
  8. Expose yourself to an audience more often. The more you will get use to being in front of the crowd, the less nervous and more confident you get, because performing has already become a part of you.
  9. Think about the bigger purpose of your performance.
  10. Lastly and most importantly, PRAY!!

I hope that these tips will help you because it has helped me. I did struggle with my confidence but now I am breaking the barrier of my doubt in myself. We are all in this together.

What’s with my body?

Often am I complimented for my physique, particularly certain parts of my body. People compliments for my boobs, butt, dimples, teeth, hair, skin, eyelashes, and etc. People tell me I’m blessed. I embrace the good parts of my body. But seriously, I see these parts just a part of my one entire body. When people compare their boobs to mine, it seems like it is a big deal. Okay okay, I fit the status quo’s standards of an ideal body. But to me, what even? Their is this consciousness about bodies. You have to have the curves to fit into the standards. There is this ideal sexy. Again, what even? I thank those who complimented me but we should not dwell to much to fit into those standards. There are more important things than about fitting in the ideal sexy such as raising your voice and taking action when it comes to social issues. It would be better if the people would maximize their potential than to make a fuss about their physical appearance. And, your bodies shouldn’t be a measure of one’s confidence. What I mean by that, if you don’t really fit into that standard, your confidence goes down. No, that shouldn’t be the case. Be confident in your own being no matter how your bodies are shaped.

Follows/Likes/ Comments: Does it matter?

I’m talking about the blogging world. So okay…

I’ve been going through post that is about ways to get your post get, likes, etc. Don’t get me wrong, likes, follows, comments mean a lot to me because it means my post were being read and notice. I really appreciate it. But the number of it, does it really matter?  To me, no! My intention is not the to get hundred of followers, or to get endless likes and comments. My intention is to share a message and to tell my story. My blog is not as aesthetic as the rest. Mine is pretty simple. My blog are coming from my thoughts and heart. I hope it gets noticed but it’s fine if hundreds won’t see it. A few number of people who care to read my post is good enough. To me, it’s better to get less than a hundred followers because they can relate to me/ my post than getting 100+ who just follow me for the sake of following alone. One’s worth is not on the likes, follows or comments. It is on how you carry yourself online or offline.

My own taste of failure

I know that failure is a part of life, but once we make the biggest mistake in our life it is so hard to forgive ourselves. To even move on from the situation.

I am a 17 (turning 18) years old. I have gone far already and I looking forward to go even further.

Beyond every success story I share (winning medals/ awards, graduation, etc.), there were babysteps to it. There were moments I failed, got rejected and had my down moments. I’ll give you a glimpse.

•There was tournament where everyone in my team got a medal, and I didn’t.

•I am now a blackbelt, but back then my forms were not as precise. I failed to get the advanced kicks/stunts right.

•There were subjects that I was failing.

•As a debater, I messed up in rounds.

•As a daughter/ student, I failed to be discipline at some point.

•I failed on anger, stress, and time management,

•I failed to bond with my family and friends because I was so preoccupied

•I failed to get in choir because I was off pitch

•I got out of my school paper because the new moderator said I was skeptic.

•I failed in my dealings with people

•Before getting in the school I applied to, I was actually waitlisted.

•I used to be the girl who always get tense

•I failed on protecting my mental health

•I failed on being positive and confident

•I failed on dealing with my insecurities

•I failed on not minding what people say

•I got rejected my own classmates to be part of their groups in a performance task.

Okay people maybe congratulating me for my success, or telling me that I’m their inspiration/ they look up to me, or seeing me as a well rounded person. But I am actually a FAILURE.

I am on my vacation. I am using this time to heal the wounds of the hard past and to regain my confidence back.

I know regrets, failures will always be there. But by the last few months of school where I experience my downfall insanely.

It is still hard to forgive myself and move on. I intentionally want to forget what went wrong and cherish what went right. Anyway, it is all over. I had my foolish moments. We all do. We are all human being anyway.

My remedy now is going outdoors, sports, writing, listening to music, dancing, watching videos/ movies, spending time with love ones, etc.

As you can see, all my recent poems are emotional, dramatic. That is how I feel right now. I just have to let it go.

The hard past serves as lesson to be more mature and to strengthen my foundation from anything that brings me down.

I thank my parents above all for believing in me. To my dad, thank you sharing your story before being a cum lau de. According to him, he didn’t do so well in his earlier school days. To my mom, thank you for inspiring me not to settle for less. She currently earned her doctorate degree in Education. I know more what  they have been through before reaching to where they are.

I am more than my failures and my defeats. I strive to be a better version of myself. Failures don’t define me. I’d do what it takes to reach my goals.

 

 

 

 

 

POEM:// Stuck in my Thoughts

I feel pressured even though there is no pressure

The expectations, it’s only I who’s expecting too much

I want change but not fully open to it

I don’t know where I want to go

I want to make it far though I’ve made it far already

What do I want for myself, I don’t know

I want a life. But what even is a life?

Goals, Dreams, then so what?

I’m doing all these for myself.

What’s wrong with me?

Or is it just I who envisions so big

Failures, part of life

A taste of it is extreme

I am strong but until when?

Holding on, not trying to collapse

Fighting in a void of confusion

Making it through all I want.

 

 

POEM// JUST TOO SOON

Just too soon

Said my goodbye on that afternoon

A new chapter has just begun

The good old days are done

 

Entering this stage all of a sudden

Overthinking has flood in

Plans I already had

The opportunity cost makes me sad

 

I made my decision

To a place I envision

Choosing on my vocation

Calls for a separation

 

There are faces I’ll surely miss

Going for my dreams I can’t dismiss

It’s time to let go

Allowing myself to grow

POEM// SUCH SHADE

I want to do better

Knowing I could be greater

All those mistakes I’ve made

Is bringing me to such shade

 

The past is over

Still can’t get over

The wrong can be made right

Always living in so much fright

 

Can’t forgive myself

How do you remember one’s self?

It is not the end

Healing of the soul, I recommend.

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