Still Bitter

I would like to thank those who followed my blog. I can’t believe that people are still following me despite not being so active.

I have a question. Can you believe that this blogger you followed got out of her school’s publication. (Pls comment down “no” below. I need motivation from the bitterness. )

So, I reaudtioned under a new moderator. She said that she had to let me go because I was “skeptic”. I felt like her decision wasn’t justifiable because she hasn’t much on my works. Plus, she doesn’t know me as a person.

I hope that she will regret her decision with my sucess in the future.

The screening was a q&a of past experiences in the org. I was being honest with my answer that I wrote only a few stuff in the previous year. I was only assigned to a few. Then she jump to thinking that I was skeptic by that screening alone. Again, she hasn’t seen my prowess in writing.

If I can’t pursue writing in my school paper, I’ll pursue it here. Thanks wordpress! I am my own editor in chief.

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Remaining Humble

I have attributes and capabilities that I hone. There are inscurities I have on others because I feel incompetent to a certain thing of a person. As developing teenager, how do I deal with this?

In scenarios where in my attributes/ capabilities are most needed, how do I still be humble? Not to step down others for something I am and they are not? As much as I want to maximize whatever I have to the greatest potential, I still want to be humble. First of all, we are all unique. We have attributes/ capabilities that people associate for us. Instead of being too proud, I’ll use my talents to reach out to others. I don’t act superior towards others to make myself feel better. I’d rather be an inspiration instead.

When it comes to my insecurities, I’ve got to overcome it. As much as I want to be humble on what I have, I don’t wan’t to compare myself to others. I just want to me with a touch of humility.

 

 

 

How to Break the Nervousness

I am not the most confident person to tell you this. I too get nervous but all throughout my struggles of trying to combat my nervousness, I’ve discovered insights on how to calm the nerves, especially in being in front of an audience.

  1. Relax – that should be the highlight
  2. Don’t worry too much on what will become of your audience’s reaction. You are not here to please them. Express and not impress
  3. It’s okay to make mistakes. If you made a mistake, don’t dwell too much on the mistake. Learn from it and move on.
  4. Perform out of passion then you will forget that you were actually nervous.
  5. Let the confidence outweigh the nervousness. Think of possibilities as to why you are capable of doing well. Play in your mind words like, “I can do this!”
  6. Think about those people who believes in you. It is a good self–motivator.
  7. Preparation is a must. Think about how much you worked for it.
  8. Expose yourself to an audience more often. The more you will get use to being in front of the crowd, the less nervous and more confident you get, because performing has already become a part of you.
  9. Think about the bigger purpose of your performance.
  10. Lastly and most importantly, PRAY!!

I hope that these tips will help you because it has helped me. I did struggle with my confidence but now I am breaking the barrier of my doubt in myself. We are all in this together.

POEM:// Stuck in my Thoughts

I feel pressure even though there is no pressure

The expectations, it’s only I who’s expecting to much

I want change but not fully open to it

I don’t know where I want to go

I want to make it far though I’ve made it far already

What I do want for myself, I don’t know

I want a life. But what even is a life?

Goals, Dreams, then so what?

I’m doing all these for myself.

What’s wrong with me?

Or is it just I who envisions so big

Failures, part of life

A taste of it is extreme

I am strong but until when?

Holding on, not trying to collapse

Fighting in a void of confusion

Making it through all I want.

 

 

Inspired by my own survival

In school, we were asked to run how many laps around the field at the same time sing songs we were asked to sing. It had to be done under the heat of the sun.

Oh by the way, this is for CAT, a military training program in school.

If you can’t endure the running or you feel like fainting, you may pull out and a medic will attend to you.

I honestly wanted to pull out, I was running out of breath but I made it till the end. Plus I’m anemic but that didn’t stop me. I’m not supposed to be under the sun for so long. Less than half of the girls survived. I’m one of the survivors.

My friends congratulated me for surviving and not giving up. This friend of mine said that he is proud of me because I didn’t pull out despite being anemic. I once told him that I am anemic and he mentioned that I made it unlike those who don’t have a medical condition but pulled out.☺ I’m so touched!!

I feel inspired by my own bravery. It made me think that if I can survived running under the heat of the sun, I can survive other things as well.

Don’t give up 💪

Who said that I’m FC (feeling close)?

Today in class, we had to write in each person’s paper anything about the person. Ex. “kind”

Summary of what my classmates has written: kind, helpful, generous, responsible, friendly, down to earth, diligent

I’m touched by what my classmates wrote. But that word bothered me. That’s FC. Who wrote that?

Hmm.. I guess we have different definition of feeling close.

Anyway, maybe that could be mistaken for my friendliness. I do socialize with my classmates like when someone is right beside me and I say Hi, as an acknowledgement and have a short convo with them. I don’t just but in a group conversation. Especially if it is a group I don’t really associate with so much. Also, I don’t but in privacy of others. So how am I FC?

I talk/ give a notice (like saying hi) to people because I acknowledge them.

Knowing myself, I am not FC. I just want to be friends with people. I want to interact and relate with people. It is better to be acknowledged than to be ignored.

 

Bravery I’m all about

I don’t get afraid of what the common external things people get scared of such as the ff.

  • Spiders
  • Snakes
  • Heights
  • Injection
  • Thunder
  • Darkness
  • Adventurous stuff (like zip lines)
  • Sparring
  • Ghost

People like my parents see me as a fighter. They see me as a brave girl. I don’t get scared of these things. But my fear is what’s within.

So many times I’ve held myself back because of the fear of failure. But I’m learning to overcome that fear. I’ve realized that at times we are bound to fail and I shouldn’t be so hard on my mistakes. I’ve just got to learn from them. I’m the person who worries a lot. I get tense. But I’m glad to say that slowly I am overcoming that. There are times I let the pressure get into me, when in fact there is no pressure at all. I’m just pressuring myself so hard. I’ve been such a try hard when I could just let things be. But I’m proud to say that I’ve gain strength to rise from those moments I’ve held myself back. Bravery I’m all about.

So, choose to be brave. I know we all have different fears. I may not be afraid of the things you are afraid of and I respect that. But together we’ve got to face our fear. We can’t always run away from our fears forever. Conquering one’s fear is such a noble act.

Q&A with me (Updated version)

This is an updated version because I want to add more q&a. Jump to #81 if you read this before!

I’ve got the questions online. 🙂

  1. What is the most popular lie, people tell to each other?  – “I’m okay”
  2. What compliment does people give you the most? – kind
  3. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? – introvert
  4. How do you like to celebrate your birthday? – swimming/ hanging with friends and family
  5. City or countryside? What do you prefer? – Countryside. But opportunities are in the city sadly. 😦
  6. Do you curse out loud or in your head more? – In my head more. I’m known for not saying bad words so the reputation.
  7. Do you prefer talking or texting? – talking of course
  8. Who can ruin our World? – us
  9. What makes you feel proud of yourself?- The person I have become
  10. What’s one thing you think everyone should do every day? – Being to their selves and everyone.
  11. Share something you’re grateful for today. – My family & friends. Also for the good memories.
  12. What would be the title of your autobiography? – If only you knew
  13. What is your favorite source of outdoor entertainment? – swimming
  14. What do you spend most of your money on? – food
  15. What makes you strong? – My hardships in life motivates me to be strong. Also those people who have been there as well.
  16. What is one thing that happened in your life that without it happening, you would never be where you are today? – the decision to try
  17. Do you believe in fate? – At some point, yes. But don’t rely on fate or destiny. Learn to persevere as well.
  18. What do you think people should do more often? – People should think in a more open minded way.
  19. If you could be the leader of your country, what would you change? – I actually want to change so many things. But I’ll just point out these ones. The educational system, poverty, things concerning the environment. I would also want the feminist movement and LGBT community to be recognize more. And many more..
  20. What was the last ‘nice’ thing you did for yourself? – Making it to black belt in taekwondo.
  21. What’s your dream job? – I want to be a lawyer. I would like to reach out to the people.
  22. What is your favorite month of the year? – October. It’s my birth month.
  23. What is the one thing you want most in your life right now? – peace
  24. What kind of music calms you down? – classical music
  25. How does society brainwash the youth? – gender stereotypes
  26. What have you been thinking about lately? – school
  27. If you were an activist what would want to protest against? – sexism
  28. What would you never post online? – something SPG
  29. What advice would you give to children today? – Enjoy your childhood! Don’t rush!
  30. Are you a shopaholic? – nope
  31. What is your favorite sport? – taekwondo
  32. Are you frightened or curious about the future? – yes
  33. What have you learned from your past? – to love and be yourself, to never give up
  34. What are your major goals in life? – to reach for my dreams
  35. What’s something every teen should know? – their limits
  36. What gift will you never forget? – Earphones. There is a story to it.  I call it the correction tape incident. My classmate used up my correction tape for one entire page in an exam. Then I told him that he better pay for it. During December (Christmas), he gave me an earphones instead of a correction tape. The incident happened weeks before. 🙂
  37. What does true friendship mean to you? – It means faith, trust and pixie dust
  38. Which sound gives you goosebumps? – A voice of a very good singer. Also, classical music.
  39. Do you embrace or fear change? – in between
  40. What do you do when you don’t know the answer? – I guess and answer it in a way as if I knew the answer. This works so well in essay questions.
  41. What does it mean to be a good citizen on the Internet? – Don’t be part of the cyberbullying
  42. What do you do when you’re angry? – Slamming things if I am that mad. I also write down my frustrations.
  43. If you had to give someone lessons, what skill would you teach? – My taekwondo skills hehe. Probably also writing
  44. Are you an early bird or a night owl? – night owl
  45. What social networking websites do you use? – FB, IG, snap chat
  46. Are you left handed or right handed? – right handed
  47. What are some small things that make you happy? – my passions
  48. Who inspires you? – My loved ones. Also those with such inspiring stories.
  49. Name three things you have never done, but would like to do? – going to nationals, going abroad, going to Broadway
  50. How ambitious are you? – very!
  51. What would someone have to do to make you dislike them immediately? – being rude
  52. What’s your reaction to the words “We need to talk..”? – Freaked out! “Did I do something?”
  53. What’s the best way to apologize? – Personally done of course. Also, one’s ego is lowered.
  54. What is the most heroic thing you’ve ever done? – Probably shutting down an FB page that had 17k likes of a girl who was cyberbullied. I’ll not mention the reason why she was bashed online. But there were leaks of something she has done that spread online. A page was made to ridicule this girl.
  55. What do you think when you look in the mirror? – “I’m pretty” I should embrace that.
  56. Do you play any instruments? – Yes. Ukulele & Flute
  57. If people had a warning label, what would yours say? – Beware!
  58. Post one of your favorite quotes and who it’s by! – “Why give up on something you’ve been working on for so long” – yours truly
  59. What is the purpose of life? – Living life to the fullest
  60. Which countries have you visited? – Philippines! I’ve never been abroad.
  61. Do you listen to your parents’ advice? – Sometimes.
  62. Do you pick and choose your friends? – Honestly, I don’t go search around for friends. They just come into my life. But before becoming close to this person, I evaluate if I should continue my friendship with him/her.
  63. What are your favorite shops? – Grocery and anywhere else with food. Because food is life.
  64. What is the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done? – Saying something savage to people. People would tell me, “Oh so savage!” after I’ve said something I don’t realize it’s savage.
  65. What question do you hate to answer? – “Do you have a crush?”
  66. What cheers you up? – Laughing with friends
  67. Are you still learning who you are –Yes
  68. What is your blood type – A
  69. What life skills are rarely taught but extremely useful? – self defense.
  70. What do you hate about your country – it’s politics
  71. What has someone borrowed but never given back? – A pen. As always
  72. What was the biggest realization you had about yourself? – That I’m talented
  73. What small change greatly improves a person’s appearance? – A smile on their face.
  74. What do you do to make the world a better place? – By not causing trouble myself.
  75. What values are most important to you? – kindness, respect, simplicity, humility, patience, discipline and perseverance.
  76. What profession doesn’t get enough credit or respect? – teachers
  77. What’s the most amazing place in nature you’ve been? – The green places in the Philippines haha
  78. When was the last time you were hopelessly lost? – When I had depression years ago
  79. Do you like things to be carefully planned or do you prefer to just go with the flow? – More of carefully planned
  80. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? –closed
  81. Do you sing in the car? – all the time
  82. Can you swim well? – yes
  83. Can you do a split? – yes
  84. What is your favorite subject? – Social
  85. Catchphrase? – I want to sleep
  86. Do you have a whole lot of acquaintances or just a few very close friends? – I know and I’m friends with many people.
  87. Ever won a contest? – yup
  88. Do you miss anyone right now?  – yes
  89. Are you left or right handed? – right
  90. What is one weird thing about you? – I randomly dance in the mall when the music is on
  91. Do you have an iPhone? – yup
  92. What is the key to happiness? – being grateful for what you have and the rest will follow
  93. Do you smile at strangers when you pass by them on the street? –if they seem to be kind, yes
  94. Do you consider yourself physically strong?- yes
  95. What three physical features do people compliment you most on? – my smile, my hair, and my eyes
  96. What current friend do you have that you’ve known the longest?- Cousins
  97. What time is bed time? – 10 – 12
  98. Have you ever won a trophy, award, or medal? If so, for what? –yup for numerous stuff
  99. Do you like your handwriting?- sometimes
  100. What is your personal definition of success? – Not acquired over night. Product of hard work, determination, and perseverance.

Okay, that’s it for now. Thanks for reading!

It feels so nice

My mom met up with her friends. She proudly said the number of involvements I have in and outside school to her friends. Her friends were amazed of how far I’ve reach. I feel so flattered. It just feels so nice that your mom said that to all her friends in front of you. It comes to show how much she has recognized my efforts.

Despite that, I still got to be humble. I may tell you my involvements and achievements anytime but in between getting to where I am, I have moments of setbacks. I did started at the beginning. My will power to continue led me to where I am today. Also, there are so many people who I have to thank. Like those people who saw my potential when I didn’t see it in myself and who had confidence in me when I didn’t. Certain factors pushed me to where I am now. I’ve got to be always humble no matter how far I’ll even go.

Singing it right

Don’t expect this post to be how to sing like a pro. I don’t take voice lessons to know. I just like to sing.

Lately, I grabbed the mic in the karaoke. I sang my “My Heart will go on” and “Somewhere out there.” My mom’s friend, who happens to lead a choir said that I have a potential and that I just have to work on vibratto (idk what that means). He said that I am on pitch. I am flattered 😊

Anyway, I just want to point out that you sing according to your style. Like in my case, I can’t belt powerfully like Idina Menzel. I hit the high notes (if I actually do it) in a mellow way if I have to say it, knowing my voice.

Before, I would strain my throat in order to belt out because I was carried by the trend of that kind of belting. Sing from your diaphragm.

Above all, sing with your heart despite of possible technicalities in your singing. 🙂

Settling Family Dispute

A family is never perfect. No matter how much one would post about their happy moments with their families online. Within a family, there will always be a conflict and misunderstanding.

Okay, years before, my family was so chaotic. Everyone was being mad at each other. The temper within the house was heated up. So many times I’ve cried because we weren’t ideally a family at that time. I had depression because of my past family dispute and my confidence when down.

My parent’s form of discipline is not what I ideally want. They would shout at me just to get a simple thing done. I would say in a bossy manner. At times, I’ve just got to understand them because they could stress at work but at certain points it went to much. If I did something, they will make me horribly feel bad about it. They would tell me that I’m irresponsible, lazy, stupid, idiot. Don’t you know how discouraging those words are? Because of the happenings at home, I become tense over simple things outside. I really have this fear of being scolded.

This is not the only thing that brought me down within the family. There are a lot more I have to say but I won’t share it here.

The problem within my family I have to say is our temper. We fail to express ourselves in a healthy form of communication. To the point fights are often made.

Do you know what I did? I tried to address that concern to my parents. It wasn’t easy. I didn’t act like all the bad happenings within the family was nothing. It really did affected me. I even made letters because it seemed impossible to have my voice be heard. I didn’t give up on my family because they will always be my family.

So if ever you have disputes within your family, address them. Don’t act like it was nothing. Don’t ever let the dispute continue. Get out from that hell by addressing them even if it was impossible at first.

Within my family now, we are respectful to each other. We laugh more now and no shouting has happened. I am more open to my parents now.

No family is perfect but your family will always be your family.

 

I’m being shipped 😳

I don’t know what to feel. I’ve been currently shipped with this classmate of mine. It’s weird because I actually have a crush on this classmate for 3 years and I haven’t actually admitted to anyone. But I have a long term suspicion that he likes me back (Well not to be assuming). He keeps going near me. Not in stalking way but like in a manner as a friend. I actually go to him as well because he is a person who I can talk to. I have to say that we are close friends (hmm define close). Let me rephrase that, through out the years, we really got to know each other. We’ve been there for each other in moments in defeat and doubt particularly in school.

It just feels weird because we are being shipped just now. I guess it was the friendship that was developed that people saw. I just don’t know.

Continue reading “I’m being shipped 😳”

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