I know that failure is a part of life, but once we make the biggest mistake in our life it is so hard to forgive ourselves. To even move on from the situation.
I am a 17 (turning 18) years old. I have gone far already and I looking forward to go even further.
Beyond every success story I share (winning medals/ awards, graduation, etc.), there were babysteps to it. There were moments I failed, got rejected and had my down moments. I’ll give you a glimpse.
•There was tournament where everyone in my team got a medal, and I didn’t.
•I am now a blackbelt, but back then my forms were not as precise. I failed to get the advanced kicks/stunts right.
•There were subjects that I was failing.
•As a debater, I messed up in rounds.
•As a daughter/ student, I failed to be discipline at some point.
•I failed on anger, stress, and time management,
•I failed to bond with my family and friends because I was so preoccupied
•I failed to get in choir because I was off pitch
•I got out of my school paper because the new moderator said I was skeptic.
•I failed in my dealings with people
•Before getting in the school I applied to, I was actually waitlisted.
•I used to be the girl who always get tense
•I failed on protecting my mental health
•I failed on being positive and confident
•I failed on dealing with my insecurities
•I failed on not minding what people say
•I got rejected my own classmates to be part of their groups in a performance task.
Okay people maybe congratulating me for my success, or telling me that I’m their inspiration/ they look up to me, or seeing me as a well rounded person. But I am actually a FAILURE.
I am on my vacation. I am using this time to heal the wounds of the hard past and to regain my confidence back.
I know regrets, failures will always be there. But by the last few months of school where I experience my downfall insanely.
It is still hard to forgive myself and move on. I intentionally want to forget what went wrong and cherish what went right. Anyway, it is all over. I had my foolish moments. We all do. We are all human being anyway.
My remedy now is going outdoors, sports, writing, listening to music, dancing, watching videos/ movies, spending time with love ones, etc.
As you can see, all my recent poems are emotional, dramatic. That is how I feel right now. I just have to let it go.
The hard past serves as lesson to be more mature and to strengthen my foundation from anything that brings me down.
I thank my parents above all for believing in me. To my dad, thank you sharing your story before being a cum lau de. According to him, he didn’t do so well in his earlier school days. To my mom, thank you for inspiring me not to settle for less. She currently earned her doctorate degree in Education. I know more what they have been through before reaching to where they are.
I am more than my failures and my defeats. I strive to be a better version of myself. Failures don’t define me. I’d do what it takes to reach my goals.