2 weeks waitlisted; finally accepted

So, I was applying for another school. For an university.

I was so hesistant on attempting to apply.

  1. My grades aren’t the best
  2. I’ve never transferred and now I am letting myself in a university 😱

I took the entrance exam. It was an IQ test. I thought I did okay. My results were not the best. I guess it was because I didn’t finish. I know that I don’t have a stupid brain. Anyway, I ended up in the waiting list.  Guess what, I cried because..

  1. I was desperate to get in
  2. My schoolmates got in
  3. My family were expecting me to get in

It was really discouraging. But it was my parents who told me, “Don’t lose hope! Think positive!” Also, other people were telling me that they are sure that I’ll get in. I realized that these people have faith and hope in me and I should for myself.

I kept on crying within the 2 weeks. I keep on praying that I’ll get in. I said in my prayer, “Lord, I may have been rejected in the past but please not this one.”

“Please, let me in. If they don’t let me in, they are missing out on someone who has so much potential.”

Now, I’m officially in! The feeling is so surreal. After all the negative things that happen, I’ve been saved by God. He is letting me start again in another school.

Everything now makes so much sense.

I’ll leave this note.

“In life you will be discouraged. It is up to you on how you will face it. It is okay to cry and vent out your frustrations. But no matter what, continue to move forward. It is not the end. Bad things may happen but there will always be a redemption to it. As they say, after a storm comes a rainbow. Don’t ever give up because who knows you’ll eventually make it and pull it through!”

To those who are like me who is transitioning to the adult world, I am with you.

Transferring is the hardest decision I have ever made.

But my alma matter, where I grew up for more than a decade will always be a place I call home.

I will miss my friends but it is about time to make new ones.

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How to Survive Senior Year

This is my last year in highschool and life has been so tough. I am not the perfect student but these are the insights I’ve gathered in the course of this year.

I have a post on school tips way long ago. You may want to check it out. 🙂

  • Get things done right away. Easier said than done. But if you do so, you are lessening the loads of things you have to do. I am quite chill now because I’ve passed almost all my requirements while my other classmates have so much catching up with their requirements.
  • Be responsible of your own schedule and responsibilities. Keep a planner. Deadlines and exams are out of no where now a days
  • When you are so tired, don’t force yourself to study. I sleep late just to study but when I am super drained, I don’t force myself to be awake until midnight. I’ll try to wake up early morning instead.
  • When you are so stressed, find ways to relieve it. I relieve stress through sports, sleep, writing, singing and listening to music, being with friends, meditation and prayer.
  • When you are frustrated, open up to trusted friends rather bottling it inside. If not, express it through prayer.
  • Keep it in mind that you are not alone.
  • Don’t give up especially when discouraged. My grades drop all of a sudden. I lost hope but the thought of wanting to graduate gave me the will not to give up.
  • Re-examine  your self worth every now and then. There will always be events and people that will bring you down.
  • Know your true friends. You will need them in your worst.
  • You don’t always get what you want, it depends on how you will face it.
  • Things may worry you but there is always a way
  • Mood swings maybe encountered but there is always a reason to smile
  • Cherish every moment because it will be the last
  • Slowly open yourself to a new life later on. 
  • Don’t be too attached to what is on your current school, especially with the people because soon you will seperate ways.
  • It is really okay to cry and vent out emotions but always remember to still move forward.
  • It is okay not graduate with honors because surviving high school is already an honor.
  • Listen to your parents. My parents have been my greatest advisers at this point.
  • Learn from your failures. Forgive yourself for every mistake. A bad grade don’t define you.  There is so much in store up ahead.
  • Be patient with yourself and others. Senior year has really got the hell of everyone.
  • You are still human, so get yourself a social life. Yes school is so demanding but never forget to have time with family and friends because you can never bring back those moments.
  • Ask help when you need it. But also know how to ask for help.
  • Know how to be on your own. Yes other may help you but they have their own lives to care as well.
  • Focus! Don’t be distracted. Keep watch of the time. When you have to study, STUDY! 
  • Be responsible with your own learning. People can’t spoonfeed you with the lessons.

Well that is it for now. If I thought of another advice, I’ll just update this.

If you have anything to add or have any questions to ask just comment below. 🙂

I thought I was all alone but I was wrong

My day has been filled with anxiety, worries, sadness, lonliness and the like. As a graduating student, I’ve been so preoccuppied with school (grades) and future plans. I also have my family (that can be messed up at times) to deal with.

Lately, I feel distant to so many people. I am longing for attention even though I know how much I am appreciated. The stress and pressure has gone into me. When I can just think positive, all I am doing is giving myself negative self talk. It is so hard to look at the bright side when my days have been filled with darkness.

I just don’t understand what I am feeling. I feel lonely. And I just came across a quote saying, “Lonliness is from the emptiness of things unsaid.” There are so many things bottling up inside. I just don’t know to who to express them. Not that I don’t just trust my friends but opening up is never easy. I truly appreciate those who listened to me. A listening ear is all I need.

Also, consecutive bad things have been happening to me personally. It were at these moment where I’m enlighten on who are my true friends. I realized not everyone will be your friend forever but true ones remain. At some point I lost hope but because of my family and true friends, they  are the reason why the bad things turn out to be good. They put into me so much faith, hope, and love. More than I do for myself.

The darkness has brought me in an illusion of being alone but as I allow myself to look into the light, I am not alone after all.

My Playlist

 

  1. All I Ask by Adele
  2. All I Ask from you from Phantom of the Opera
  3. A Thousand Miles by  Vanessa Carlton
  4. A Thousand Years by Christina Perri
  5. Ave Maria by Beyonce
  6. Beauty And The Beast by Celine Dion and Peabo Bryson
  7. Breakaway  by Kelly Clarkson from Princess Diaries 2
  8. Beyond the Sea by Bobby Darin from Finding Nemo
  9. Can’t Help Falling In love by Elvis Presley
  10. Can You Feel the Love Tonight by Elton John
  11. Cups by Anna Kendrick from Pitch Perfect
  12. Dance With My Father by Luther Vandross
  13. Defying Gravity by Idina Menzel from Wicked
  14. Don’t You Forget About Me 
  15. Emotions by Mariah Carey
  16. Endless Love
  17. Eternal Flame
  18. Evermore by Dan Stevens from Beauty and the Beast
  19. Fight Song by Rachel Patten
  20. Fix You by Coldplay
  21. Flashlight by Jessie J
  22. Gift of a Friend by Demi Lovato from Tinkerbell
  23. Go Beyond the Distance
  24. Here Comes the Sun by Beatles
  25. How Deep is Your Love by Bee Gees
  26. How Far I’ll Go by Auli’i Cravalho
  27. I Dreamed a Dream from Les Miserables
  28. If I were a Boy by Beyonce
  29. I’m Yours by Jason Mraz
  30. I See The Light by Mandy Moore and Zachary Levi from Tangled
  31. I Want it That Way by Backstreet Boys
  32. Journey by Lea Salonga
  33. Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars
  34. Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson
  35. My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion from Titanic
  36. La Vie En Rose by Louis Armstrong
  37. Leaving on a Jet Plane by John Denver
  38. Let It Go by Idina Menzel from Frozen
  39. Let it Be by Beatles
  40. Listen by Beyonce
  41. Love on Top by Beyoncé
  42. Magic
  43. Moon River
  44. More than Words by Extreme
  45. Moment Like this by Leona Lewis
  46. Music of the Night from Phantom of the Opera
  47. One Day in your Life by Michael Jackson
  48. One Singular Sensation
  49. Only Hope by Mandy Moore
  50. One Call Away by Charlie Puth
  51. One Moment In Time by Whitney Houston
  52. On My Own from Les Miserables
  53. Perfect by Ed Sheeran
  54. Rainbow Connection
  55. Reflection  by Lea Salonga from Mulan
  56. Stand by Me
  57. Somewhere by Barbra Streisand from  West Side Story
  58. Somewhere Over the Rainbow
  59. Somewhere Out There by Linda Ronstadt and James Ingram
  60. The Climb  by Miley Cyrus from Hannah Montana
  61. The Prayer by Andrea Bocelli and Celine Dion
  62. The Sign
  63. The Way You Look Tonight – Frank Sinatra
  64. Think of Me from Phantom of the Opera
  65. True Colors by Cyndi Lauper
  66. Try Everything by Shakira from Zootopia
  67. You Raise Up by Josh Groban
  68. You Will Never Walk Alone
  69. What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong
  70. When She Loved Me by Sarah McLachlan from Toy Story 2
  71. When  you Believe
  72. When You Say Nothing at All
  73. Entire soundtrack of Hamilton
  74. You are my Sunshine
  75. You’ll be in my Heart
  76. You will Never Walk Alone

FILIPINO SONGS

  1. Kapag Tumibok Ang Puso
  2. Tibo-tibo by Moira Dela Torre
  3. Sana Maulit Muli by Lea Salonga

CHRISTIAN SONGS

  1. 10,000 Reasons by Hillsong
  2. You are Mine by David Haas
  3. The Power of Your Love
  4. All That I Am
  5. Shout to the Lord
  6. Still by Hillsong
  7. Amazing Grace

CHRISTMAS SONGS

  1. All I want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey
  2. Holy Night
  3. Angels We Have Heard on High
  4. O Come All Ye Faithful
  5. Christmas in Our Hearts by Jose Mari Chan
  6. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
  7. Silent Night
  8. Joy to the World

PIANO MUSIC

  1. Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven
  2. Ode to Joy by Beethoven
  3. Fur Elise by Beethoven
  4. Clair de Lune by Debussy
  5. Canon by Johann Pachelbel
  6. Kiss in the Rain by Yurima
  7. River Flows in You by Yurima
  8. Turkish March
  9. Cancan

There maybe songs that I like but aren’t here. I’ll just keep updating.

 

 

Wanting to help him

People from a far may see you as I a person I like. Well, that is true and I can’t deny it no more as it becomes more obvious. We have been linked to such extent. Our closeness has been mistaken for something else.

Whatever thoughts people have about us, we have personal stories just kept between us. No worries, all your confidential things are unsaid to others.

I see you everyday sad more often. I don’t know completely what you have been going through. I may partially know your pains and struggles but the rest I respect. You told me some deep personal things in your life, I guess I am the person you trust. I will always be there to listen no matter what. I’ve got you!

You were there in my worst, even though you didn’t know how worst was worst. You were just there. Now, it is the lowest peak of your life, and it is my turn to give you my reassurance by simply being a friend who still remains.

I also have my own problems. I can really relate to you, especially when it comes to dealing with family. You are not alone in this.

That makes you so special to me despite all you have been through. I felt something between us, not necesarily romantic, but we genuinely got each other and nothing can ever beat us down.

 

 

The Pain in those Words

Before I start, I know that I have been so inactive. I’ve been going through a lot in the past weeks. I am currently sick yet I am still writing this for it will surely make me feel better.

~~

Life has been so tough. Rejection is now a thing in my life. So as judgement that is more evident now. Recently a victim of fake humor. Been talked about without confirmation on my side. Getting sick more often. Stressed out and no such thing as rest. Worn out even more. Lack of sleep. Going late has been my struggle. So close to giving up. I don’t want the frustrations to get into me. Pushing myself toward the finish line. To my diploma, why are you so hard to get?

My life has been so overwhelming. I am not a person who gives up. I know I have a goal. But bad things has consecutively been happening to me. It is so hard to see the light when are completely crushed down. I know there are still so many things to be grateful for.

In times of darkness, it is hard to determine who to completely trust. True friends you would know when you are at your worst. Not everyone would be your friend but you will never be alone. A gift of a true friend will come to your life.

How to hold on when you are nearly giving up? ? I am now on a journey to seek for inspiration. What inspires me are my struggles for it gives me a reason that there are battles to fight for. I’ve handle pain and suffering in the past. Why can’t I do it now?

Self care I should not forget. Mental health always a priority. Once extremely tired, I won’t force myself to study. But if I don’t study, my grades are in the line. My anxiety over my grades are so surreal. In the end, my grades don’t define me and my future. I have more potential than what is reflected in my report card.

Life is not completely bad. I know that I will be so proud of myself once I overcome all the odds I am now facing. I am still alive when I am dead in the inside. I shall finish this race

~~

So, that has been the summary of what my life has been. It has been a very messed up one. Few weeks from now, I will be graduating and I’ll soon escape the hell I am living. Almost there!

 

POEM// A Life With A Dream

Thinking about the days that past

Realizing I’m getting old so fast

Getting farther than I thought

Looking forward to what has to be sought

 

Attempted to try

Struggled and cry

Failed in the process

Continued to progress

 

That’s what my life has been

A life that hasn’t been so clean

Perfect life is what I dream

But life disasters has gone extreme

 

My dream I want to achieve

And that I believe

Tensions I have to face

Before I finish this race

POEM// No humor in rumor

Fake rumor

Recently a victim

Was that even a humor?

Why am I living in this system?

 

Just asked,

Is what their saying true?

Hearing so was such a nast

To my heart, that became a flu

 

I can’t deny

I am hurt

Tears came out from my eye

My image I shall assert

 

What did I do?

Their lives I did not mind

It spread out of the blue

They are just so unkind

 

They don’t know what is true

Best at telling lies

Don’t know what I’ve been through

More than enough are the cries

 

Inside I did become hopeless

Later realized I’m not alone

I still feel so bless

Support was flown

 

I know where I stand

I’m stronger than the storm

I’ll get life’s upper hand

My dignity will never be deform

 

 

SLAM POETRY// LOVE

Supposed Slam – Poetry written prior Valentines

~~

I.

Hormones activating

Who are you thinking?

What in the world are you doing?

Stop with the daydreaming

Can’t deny it’s happening

All this is confusing

Don’t understand what I am feeling

 

Hold on,

Stop with the fantasy

Go back to the reality

Don’t be blinded by romance

Love after all isn’t by chance

 

Don’t waste your time finding your forever

Real meaning of love one should remember

All those sweet love birds together

Honestly, there is no need to be bitter

 

Don’t wait to be someone’s pair

The one will just be there

Self-confidence you should wear

Before the embrace of their care

 

II.

Don’t forget who truly loves you

The ones who saw you grew

Witness of what you’ve been through,

They’re always ready to rescue

 

Love is found

With those people around

Who would heal the wound

Whenever on the ground

 

It’s beyond the infatuation

Speaks of deeper connection

Stronger than the devastation

No such thing as separation

 

Days maybe filled with rainbows

So as the darkest of shadows

It’s in the peak of sorrow

Your foe you would know

Their love never failed to show

 

Someone’s concern

Is heartfelt earned

Appreciation returned

Gratitude yearned

 

Love isn’t one sided

Don’t ever be misguided

It’s when needs are provided,

A special bond is ignited.

 

III.

My love does not come to an end

Even when things go bend

I’ve got you as a friend

It’s you I’ve got to defend

 

I love you

You may not have a clue

If only you knew

This is not something new

 

I see the beauty beyond the scar

Thinking of you from a far

You help me set the bar

For you are my shining star

 

Your simple smile

Will never go out of style

My happiness goes the extra mile

The joy you bring is worthwhile

 

Flaws I already expect

Nothing in this world is perfect

Still, you won’t be my reject

With open arms, you I accept

 

IV.

Pity on those who see love with negativity

They may have encountered toxicity

Their hearts long for security

May their souls be ensured with liberty

 

They say that love hurts

Some treat your love like dirt

They fail to see the love you exert

Don’t stop loving after being put in a desert

 

Love is not by chance

No matter the circumstance

It’s not mere feelings enhanced

For love does not demand

That you should understand

~~

I am supposed to have a 3 minute poetry. I don’t know what to add, so I’ll just have that as of now. I have until March 2 to do this anyway.

Happy Valentines! ❤

I just don’t know

If you’ve been reading my past blogs, you are with me in my anxiety for my future. For senior high.

Few months from now I will graduate. yay!

I’ve been so stressed and down lately. Anxiety is building up. Anxiety because of grades, and most heartbreaking one, pre- seperation anxiety.

Grades.

I am doing so bad in school. I know grades don’t define how smart I am. The thing is, everything in school is all crammed up. All the lessons are being rushed. Test and assignments here and there. In short, I am so done with school. You can’t expect students to be good in a lesson in a snap. Even professionals spend time in order to know their expertise. Nothing is done overnight.

Is it because we are graduating that we have to rush?!?

Don’t get me wrong. I am thankful for being educated. I love to learn. But the education system now is inhumane. Wake up early, ends school late in the afternoon, goes/ arrives home late at night. Dinner, then study till midnight. How am I still alive? Plus, I am anemic and the struggle is real.

(When you are anemic, you get so weak easily because you red blood cells that carry oxygen.  But in my case, I got it because of genes but at least I don’t have to get intensive medical attention)

I am also so worried because the school I will apply is requring good grades (80+). I really have to maintain my grades to save my life. I really want to transfer for so many reasons: 1.) I have been in my school for 10+ years. 2.) I want a new environment and friends. 3.) I don’t want to die mentally, physically, and emotionally, for 2 more years. 4.) I have been through enough. Even everyone in my school wants to leave. We are currently applying for senior high in my school. The reasons behind: 1.) No choice but to stay. 2.) Back up plan in case of not being accepted in the other school applies to.

Thinking about tranferring is the hardest decision I have ever made. There those I am ready to say goodbye. There are those who I have become close with and it breaks my heart, as early now, knowing we’ll part ways. We will be setting our own paths. I never thought this day is coming too soon. I am planning to take an exam for the school I will apply. Pls. accept me. I don’t want to be waitlisted. STEM (because everyone else will take that) or HUMSS (because this is what I want) Both are fine for my future career as they say but which one. Lord, I will lift it all to you.

Yes, more mental breakdowns to come. But I will survive. You are almost there. You are not alone in this.

Motivation: 1.) It is my mom’s birthday 2 days before graduation. 2.) My grandfather wanted us (grandkids)  to graduate before he dies. But he died before that could even happen but I want him to see me graduate from above.

 

SO STRESS

Hi I know that I’ve been gone in such a long time. I’ve been so busy in school. Being a graduating student is really tough.

I’ll give a run through of what my life has been so far.

In the past weeks, I’ve been having around 10 test in a week. Meaning, I had no weekend to enjoy. On Jan 6-7, Even though I travelled to Bohol to attend a wedding, I brought my school work with me.

On my parents anniversary on Jan 8, we went out for dinner. While we were waiting for the food, I studied on the table. I felt bad but I badly needed to study at that time. On Jan 10, I was sent home because of a 38.8 fever. I don’t usually get a fever. It comes to show that I am so stress with school. I really made myself to recover fast so that I won’t miss 3 more quizzes. I missed 3 quizzes prior to when I was sent home.

Now I am currently taking my periodical tests. I am doing my best now and taking it more seriously because I plan to apply for a new school. I want good credentials to get in. Also, I want to graduate. My batchmates and I have been through a lot. We deserved that diploma soon.

I just don’t like the Philippine education system where they cram everything jist to be able to cover everything in the curriculum. Plus dismissal is on 4:30 bu there are those like me who get home as late 7:00-8:30. Staying until midnight because we need all the time to study and wakes up as early as 4-6 for 7:30 class. All of us are so sleep deprived and depressed. This so inhumane already.

Teachers can’t rush our learning. Teachers give test right after a discussion without properly processing the lesson. Grades outweigh the actual learning now. I hate my life.

What is bringing me down even worse is my anemia. Help me Lord! I get so tired easily (extreme fatigue) and too much schoolwork is making it worse. I won’t let anemia stop me

To the people who would see me, sorry for my moodiness lately. I am currently carrying so much burden.

You know what I’ll soon graduate! I can do this!

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