Regaining the Confidence once lost

At some point in my life, I lost my confidence.

My lowest point in my life was two years ago. I had depression. My family was a mess. Bad things were consecutively happening to me. It was the darkest of my days. I was so negative. I was still figuring myself.

Thank God, I was able to get out from that! It wasn’t easy.

But how?

“When there is darkness, there comes the light”

It was actually in my lowest point when I found out who were my friends. I realized, despite everything, I was loved. It was through encouraging people wherein I found hope. They are my stepping stone from God. Certain people tell me often certain attributes that I have and that should be my everyday reminder to myself. Word such as ‘kind’, ‘helpful’, ‘friendly’, ‘smart’, ‘responsible’, ‘hardworking’, ‘talented’, ‘courageous’ I got my confidence from that. People saw the good in me more than myself. Therefore, I should start believing in myself.

Always whenever I’m down, there are those who were there to listen me/ shoulder me, who let me cry it all out.

Speaking about my family, there was so much misunderstanding on our dealing with one another. I really express my grudges to my family. It wasn’t easy. Later, the conflict was resolve. We are more kinder to one another at home.

Around this time, I started playing the ukulele. I’d strum and sing my heart out. This was a big factor on getting out of my sadness inside. Music did relieve the pain I felt inside.

Everyday, is a journey knowing yourself. Know yourself so that you would be vulnerable to those who goes against you, because you know where you stand.

My classmate told me that there those who talk behind my back but I don’t seem to care, and that she got to ignore them rather than scream at them.Β I later learned not to care what others say. These people don’t know me than how I know myself.

I’ve learned not to hold myself back no more. To make the most of every opporutnity. To have a smile in my face even though the situation don’t call for it. To be positive despite how things are exhausting. My struggles led me to not lose hope. To keep on fighting. That it isn’t the end.

Everyday, our confidence is challenged. You maybe werent as confident as the other day. But, keep your feet on the ground. You can surpass whatever struggle you are facing.

Just keep on fighting because you will never know where life takes you.

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I now get why I am so ambitious

I do have dreams but I am not exactly sure on what I want in life. One thing for sure, I want to make it far and make the most of what I was designed to be.

I seriously take my academics and my extracurricular. Unlike others out there, they don’t care or they are unsure with their life.

So how did I become to ambitious?

It started with my family background. My parents didn’t come from a well off family but then it was their perseverance that led to where they are now. They’ve been touching lives out there with their story. Fun fact, both my parents are scholars and achievers. I get so much motivation at the same time pressure from that. Motivation, for me to work hard on what I am doing; Pressure, for people expects me to be smart like them. That I am the combination of their brains. I can’t fail them when it comes to academics.

My classmate admitted to me that she envy me for I know what I want to be. I want to be a lawyer for my interest lies under it and I would want to help people. I guess I discovered what I want early.

I was told that was being talked trashed. You know what it hurts, but now I don’t care anymore for I’ve become bulletproof from the hell (that people don’t know entirely) I’ve been through. I know where stand. I know who I am. These people don’t know me and my story. These people probably don’t know that I am saving everyone’s ass (in my section specifically and among close friends). How could they be talking trash about someone who have been achieving so much already. (they probably they don’t know for I’m humble about it).

Point out my flaw, the way I act that maybe odd, or whatever trash about me, or the more you’ll see me far in life. Farther than you. And I’m sorry for not being perfect.

Okay I maybe different/ act differently from my peers because of my background but I don’t care to be different because it makes me who I am. I embrace where I came from. And I know that I’m to influence people out there.

It’s because of my background that I take responsibilities likened to an adult. It came to me that I am a try hard or that I over do things. You know what, I know myself as hardworking and that’s that. I see my parents working so hard especially my mom.Β  Their hardwork makes me guilty to be laxed because it will totally be unfair on their part. So I strive hard when it comes to school and my responsibilities as a daughter. Unlike some people out there who don’t seem to care at all. At the same time, I am learning from my mistakes everyday.

I was told by teacher that unlike my classmates, I don’t take things for granted because I see the importance of things. For they come from comfortable lives, they aren’t that appreciative.

All they are good at is talking trash about others. [P.S. I don’t mean all people are like this… but existence of these people is frustrating]

So don’t ever mess with me! You are messing with the wrong person.

Unexpected Reunion

I just came from my school’s family day. Anyone is welcome in the school and have fun. Students, either past or present,Β  and their families and outside friends come together.

I unexpectedly met my grade 2 classmate after many years. He transferred to another school around grade 3/4Β  I think. That was so long ago.

So here goes the story…

It was my other friend who brought him to my school. I was being introduced to him by that friend. His name is Josh by the way. So, I was being friendly to him. I’m like that if I meet new people especially. In my mind, he is new to me. My friend said the he is our batchmate, and that he used to study in my school. Then I remember that this Josh used to be my classmate in grade 2. I didn’t recognize him because his face is different from the grade 2 Josh I know. Yes puberty and the hormones! We haven’t met in many years okay. Apparently, he remembers me and I can’t believe that, considering it was how many years ago and many things has happened within the span of time. I’m actually touched that he remembers me.

What I’ve realized is that, we tend to be so busy with our life to the point we don’t notice how fast time has past by.

Separating Ways

I’m soon graduating junior highschool and I am excited for it. But the road there… 😭😭 I can’t express how I feel in words.

Yes, I’ll soon get the rewards of my hardwork and commemorate how I got through the struggles but…Β  I have things to leave behind and to let go.

I am really going with my thoughts of transferring because one 1.) My school don’t offer the track I want. 2.) I can’t handle the demands of my school. 3.) I want a new life.

Yes, I maybe seeking the 3 things I’ve mentioned but there are things and more heartbreaking, ‘people’ who I’ll leave behind. My school, where I’ve been growing up, has been a part of me. There are so many people I have become close too. This ain’t easy.

I just hate it when my classmates ask each other, “What school are you going?” “What are you taking?” I never thought that this time would come by so soon. I am not ready for this. That all of a sudden, from my foolish self, I am thrown into the adult world.

I am going to miss my Alma Matter for it made me who I am today and most of all the people who I’ve been with for years.

I’ve really got to make the most out of my last year

😭😭

What’s my fate?

I recently came from retreat. We were asked to reflect on our life, stuggles, victories, blessings, future plans etc.

What is for me?

I don’t know yet exactly.

I want to be a lawyer. Then so what?

I actually envisioned on becoming a lawyer when I was grade 4. That in the way made me decide I want to be lawyer. I already became into socio-political things. I was aware of social issues in our society. And the more I think about what’s in status quo. The more I want to do something. The more I want to be a lawyer. If I can’t help save lives as doctor, I believe that I can save lives socially as a lawyer. Okay, I don’t know everything about politics, but I am willing to learn and understand. I know hearing the news is tiring nowadays but I want to be the voice of those dehumanized, discriminated, etc in society. As of the moment, I am now helping others within my circle. That’s a starting point.

I also want to be an inspiration to others. I believe that I am destined to be so.

I was once a shy person. There has been a stigma about shy people. That they are incapable of this and that because they are shy. I want to be a representative that shy people are capable of doing anything. That we could come out. One concrete example to my life is my involvement in debate. Who could ever thought that a shy person has become a debater?

I have struggled, failed, and been defeated. Despite I’d face these later on, I believe that I can surpass it. If I surpassed difficulties in the past, how can I not surpass what I am facing now. Everything will justΒ  eventually past. The pain won’t be permanent. Just keep fighting! πŸ’ͺ🏻

I’ll continue what I am pursueing now; that is my academic and extra curricular life. I’ll just see what happens later on.

Periodical Test before my birthday πŸ˜±

October 4 – four more days before my birthday πŸŽ‰

I’ll soon be 17. I am so close to being an adult. I’m so old. 😩

Anyway, I actually like birthday, not the fact I’m getting old but because it’s a moment for me to commemorate my moments, the good and the bad, in life. It’s a time for me to look back what I’ve been through and how I made an impact to the world while being alive.

Lately my friends and family has been telling me, “It’s almost your birthday! What is your plan?” I just don’t know

I am not looking forward to my birthday as much as before because the day after is my scheduled periodical test. Who even wants to study on their birthday? No one! But I have to becauss my grade is in the line.

I guess the reason why I’m going through this is because God knows that I can take it. I guess it’s his message that despite the stress I’ll get for studying, I’ve got to let in the positivity such as the idea of my birthday. I am trying not to be bitter about the situation. I shouldn’t be. I should not let my exams ruin my special day.

I appreciate those people who are more enthusiastic for my birthday than I am. Thank you for the love!! ❀

Happy Birthday to me on October 8!! Wohoo!! πŸŽ‰


October 8 2017

Happy 17th to me! Yes, I have Periodicals the following day but I really spent my day enjoying it.

I didn’t have an exact plan on what to do for my birthday weeks before. I knew that I had to study but I just don’t want to have a date with my textbook on my birthday. I knew that I wanted to be with my family even just for a while. So my mom suggested that I’ll have a lunch date with my cousins so that after that I get time to study later on. I really had fun with my cousins with a simple catching up with them. A lot of people also greeted me and gave me sweet messages. It made me touched and it lessen my bitterness that I have exams the next day. I felt touched when people told me that they would want me to enjoy my day despite exams.


Oh this happened! Literally! Even @lookshecanblog saw this in my Instagram story 22386407_1710572242317945_821892635_n


A lot of things happened from Oct. 8 2016 – present. I’ve really come so far. I am given another reason to live. And I believe that I am to touch more lives. People who came to my life means so much to me.

Thank you lord for this gift of life!

Fighting πŸ’ͺ🏻


Birthday gifts

There were gifts that I received before, on, and, after my birthday.

This is not to brag. I just want to express my gratitude. I am just so touch.

 


October 11 2017

I know that my birthday is over and I just ended my exams. I am still having birthday blues. I can’t believe that I manage to have my birthday during exam week. I am year older now. All the more my friends will tease me for being so old. (P.S. I am the eldest among my friends). I didn’t felt like my birthday was coming a week before but certain people made me feel like it was actually my birthday on October 8. People would tell me that they are bless because of my existence. But I would like to tell them in return that I am bless to have them in my life.

THANK YOU!!

A start of another chapter in my life! ❀

 

The impact of my service/ generousity to others

Often am I told that I am generous, kind, friendly, helpful, and all those synonymous words. A lot has express their gratitude for I being so and certainly, it has touched my heart. I’m known to be a “life saver.” People often come to me for help. And no matter how much that they’ll say it’s the last favor they’ll ask, it isn’t.

So what exactly made me like this? I don’t know. It could be that:

  1. This certain trait makes distinctive from the rest
  2. Parent’s influence. They influence by their means of service to others as well.
  3. My family background. I was made aware of my parent’s struggles back then. They didn’t come from a well off family. This made me think that I have no right to be a spoiled brat and be mean to others.
  4. I know what it is liked not being helped.
  5. In this world, not everything is about me. It is about everyone, if there is something I can do for the betterment of the situation, I will help out.
  6. Everyone is important

I honestly get annoyed that someone will over-ask for help. There is nothing I can do about it. Maybe, I’m the only one out there who can help the person out. Seriously, there are a lot of people who comes to me everyday. It could be tiring but it feels nice if you get to help others out. That at some point you saved their life.

To end this, don’t be good to others for people to love you. Reach out to others because you know in your heart that you are capable of helping. Do it without expecting in return.

 

Don’t quit

Don’ t quit

When things go wrong , as they sometimes will,

When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

When you want to smile , but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit

Rest if you must , but don’t you quit

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns.

And many a failure turns about ,

When they might have won had they stuck it out.

Don’t give up though the pace seems slow

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man;

Often the struggler has given up

When he might have captured the victor’s cup;

And he learned too late when the night came down,

How close he was to the golden crown

Success is failure turned inside out

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems so far;

So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit

It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit


This is a poem that I’m asked to memorize as of the moment. It is worth the memorization and it is worth to share. Rest if you must but don’t you quit!

Is Social Media really making us attention seekers?

Lately in class, we have to make an arguementative speech about “Social network killing sincere relationships” You can either be for or against it. We had to make a speech on our stance on it.

I was against that idea. I pointed out that is the people who are at fault here and social media is not to be blamed because its creators intention was to draw people together. And social media (like the authorities) don’t support the fights and etc. online. They review harmful post.

When I was listening to my classmates, most of their stance was that it does kill sincere relationships because people tend to be attention seekers online. Let’s point out the desire for likes, followers, comments, feed goals, etc. Okay, that idea has been conceeded but to me, it is assumptive to generalize that would happen. Not everyone are show offs and attention seekers, whether online or not. It could be that these people character is not being a showoff.

I can relate to that idea in a way personally. I didn’t care much about social media at first. Then as I scroll through, it got my attention that the popular girls in school have a lot of likes, comments, followers/ friends online. Of course, I fell into the pressure. I really made it a big deal to be able to post for the sake of people liking it. To get more FB friends as well. But later on, I realize that it doesn’t matter. If you want to share something, just share it. Who cares about the likes? I don’t. I don’t mind if my blog hasn’t reach a skyrocketing number of views, likes, follows, etc. At least it is viewed by those who cared to notice it. I realize that it is feels lighter inside if the intention is to express and not impress. You don’t have to be like the crowd. You may get involve of the trends now but no pressure of not being involve. It is up to you of how you act in social media and how it will affect your relationships.

Going back to the point of those FOR it, social media makes people be a different person online to the point of not being themselves to real time friends. Well okay. But to counter that stance, why fall into the pressure? Why is the feed, likes, etc. Such a big deal? Why blame social media for such behavior? Go back to the main purpose of social media. It is to draw people together and not to worry of what is your image online.

I realize that people have different views on this and it has reflected one’s involvement online. I am more of messenger more than anything else.

Before I end, don’t let social media take away your life, even with your relationships with others. Wait, let me rephrase that, don’t blame social media. It all depends on you.

I also want to rebut on the point that we don’t socialize anymore because we are always on our phones. I don’t think that’s the case. If you really want to be with that person, put down your phones. I always chat with my cousins when we don’t see each other. But when we are together, we are the craziest. It really is up to you if you are so drawn to the social media world that you can’t loose a grip of your phone.

What I get for being responsible

I’m responsible. That’s not from me but from people.

In school, I am people’s go to person because I’m the “responsible one.” People always ask me “What’s for school?” and all sorts of question regarding school. It’s fine because I understand that one may miss out something and it’s a form of clarification. People ask me favors such as printing for them because their printer is broken. And when people message me (not only message me but personally come to me) because they need help, they’ll say it will be the last time they’ll ask something from me but it isn’t. Seriously,Β  it’s fine. We shall help each other. People comes to me from all sort of things. Yes, I’m helpful but I want others to be independent as well. To know how to do things on their own. My kind of helping is to guide, or to ease things up, but not to do everything for them. I’ve got my own life to take care of as well.

This is what I get for taking note of important things. For having a listening ear that most don’t have. I understand that not everyone has a sense of responsibility and I believe that I am to move them to be responsible. I am also to be their life savior.

Time Management

 

Before anything else, I am sorry for being a hypocrite if ever I fail to do what I’m going to tell you. πŸ˜‚

I know that I wrote a blog about My Study tips. You may want to check it out.

Now, I am going to go more on time management, particularly as a student.

This has been challenging for me a a student with so many involvements.

Filipinos out there, I know that you are with me. “Change the start of classes at 8 am, not 7:30”


Overview of my school life

Around 5 – wake up

~ prepares for school ~

Around 6 – travels to school

Around 7 – reaches school

Around 4:30 pm – End of class

~ extracurricular ~

Around 6 pm – leaves school

Around 7 pm – arrives home, then eat dinner

~ rest of the time – homework ~

Around 10 – target time for sleeping

WEEKENDS: balancing academic and extra-curricular.


So, How do I survive?

β€’ I have my planner. I plot my schedule.

β€’ I imposed the “Things to do” system upon myself. I prioritize whats more urgent.

β€’ I try not to study the day before a test. Yes, I may remember what I study a day before. But there are cases wherein I get home late or I’ve got other stuff to do the day before the test, unenabling me to study.

β€’ Rest if I must. On the way home, I take a nap in my car so that I have the energy to study as I get home.

β€’ I try to not lose my focus. If I have important stuff to do, I’ll try not to get distracted.

β€’ I can’t get rid that I am in an era of modern technology. I communicate with my classmates so much in FB, but if ever it’s not required of me to be in FB, I’ll log out.

β€’ When too stress, food, music, people, and extracurricular are my easy way out. πŸ™‚

β€’ I try to hit my target time of sleeping that is 10 pm.

β€’ Most importantly, despite being preoccupied with school, I find time with my family, especially weekend.

I hope you’ve got something from this very busy person. See you around!

 

Crying Made Me Know that I am Loved

Lately, I cried in front of a certain person. I won’t tell why because it’s personal. Then when I cried, when I let it all out, that person I cried front of, and those other people around hugged me and told me that they love me and they are there for me. Words of encouragements were expressed. I really needed that.

You would really know who cares for you when you are at your worse.

Thank you for the love! ❀

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